My pure happiness

Happiness is a really personal thing. Everybody has his own definition of happiness. For me the very first thing is to love and accept myself, trust in me and my skills and follow my dreams. But I had to learn to listen to me and sometimes it is still hard and I'm insecure.

A long time I was a really sad person, no self- confidence and thought there is nothing in life which could make me happy.

The good thing, which I really appreciate now, is that I'm always a fighter. I always get up when I fall and I won self- confidence. Not much, but it didn't feel like being in a cage anymore.

However the turning point was in 2012. I was in a relationship nearly a year and he always supported me.

In the past I eternally want to see more of the world. I was pretty fascinated by the USA a long time. It was my favourite country. Especially in my teenage years. I only knew it from the movies but I were pretty sure to go there one time.
My boyfriend love to travel also. He lived in Australia for a year and he convinced me that Australia is it worth to see.

So in 2012 I did my Work and Travel in Australia. And I thank god that I made the decision to go there. It changed my whole life.

I never felt that happy before and I found my keyword for my pure happiness: FREEDOM.

Yes, freedom is everything what I really want. I can't truly describe how it feels to be the only person in such an enormous landscape. The expanse was unbelievable and my heart felt so light. If manacles around my heart broke through and I could breath so deeply.

  And as I visited the USA back in 2015 it was definite. My heart stays in Australia! The USA is a beautiful country but I couldn't find the kind of freedom which I'm searching for. It's a huge country and the landscapes are enormous. But you weren't basicaly alone. You always meet locals or tourists, even if you can't see a house roundly. Not that this is bad, but to be alone somewhere feels different. It feels pretty good to me.
Well, notably lot's of tourists (me included). You often had to wait to catch a spot and even if you catched it, it loosed the certain something besides these countless photo copies. Apart from this I collect the typical tourists stuff as well. But most of the time I want to catch my own personal spots of my journeys.
Anyway it was a wonderful vacation, with wonderful people and places and always worth a visit.
I will come back to this later in a seperately post.

Sydney Botanical Garden, Australia

Nearly 5 years left and I'm sitting here in Germany at my computer now. Missing the time and the feeling Down Under. I don't feel free anymore. Since we are back in Germany we never found our place here. We are restless and not that happy. Always tried to find our place but we simply don't fit in.

Everybody around us is getting married, buy houses and are having a baby. After school they study or doing a job.

Until 2012 I did the same. I graduated and did a on the job training as a Child Care Educator. And I really on't feel comfortable with it and if you do a profession you can't completely identify with, you will understand how hard it is to wake up and going to work every single day. For me it was a pretty difficult time. After Australia I had to go back to this job because I had no other education and we needed the money. In the last year of an educator I found a really good job in a kindergarten with nice colleagues (close to friends) but it didn't complete me.
 Also the german apprenticeship as an educator is not accepted in most of the other countries. So if I want to work abroad I need to study it. But this wasn't an option for me.

However, what job was the right for me? My boyfriend is a hairdresser and I love his work. I'm so captivated if he's doing someones hair.
But to be a hairdresser in Germany it means you will earn nearly nothing to live. If you are an educator or you study, the society accept it, but  if you want to follow your dreams and do a profession you love, a profession which means you belong to the underclass, you always have to justify your decisions.

Yes, you can ignore what the society says but if you want to live in the society you have to fit in, if not, life is really difficult.

However I learned in Australia what it means to follow your goals and that was my advantage compared to the german people which only knew the german attitude, which always tells you dreams are for dreamer, you have to live in the reality and the only thing which counts is safeness. Don't go a way which are not that safe than the standard way. But that is the reason why so many people aren't happy. They don't trust oneself and go the safe way before they risc something.

It doesn't means that you should risc everything, but a lot of things which seems unattainable are closer than you think. It only means that you don't go a way which is fully planned. Sometimes your goal will change or you have to change the way you go to reach your goal. But you can reach it, you only need to know what you are willing to do. And yes, it is not an easy way but it is an exciting way and you feel good because you do what you want, you know you do it just for you. You only need to keep your faith.
So be brave and go your own way. You can do it.

Shell Beach, Western Australia

So first I did a schooling as a beauty therapist beside my job as an educator. But it was only a substitute for the job as an hairdresser. I liked it, but I didn't love it.

Also I made the decision in 2015 to do the profession I love. I started an on the job training as a hairdresser. After you was fully paid, it was or it is pretty hard to live with the salary of a trainee.

I think this is one of the hardest ways I ever went. For me and for my partner. And I often wanted to quit it. But I really love it. I like to go to work, like to learn new skills and get over your fears every single day.

Only a month has to pass and then I can say: I'm a hairdresser. I'm really excited and sometimes I was pretty sure that I will never reach my goal. A lot of people neither, but I stay strong and will prove them.

So in a month I will win a part of my pure happiness. And then? I have to go on. In the last 1 1/2 years my boyfriend and I realised we will never fit in this society but we don't have to. We will not marry after I graduate, we will not buy a house and we really will not having a baby. We will go on travelling. Because that is the main point for our pure happiness. We don't know where our way will lead us, but our dream is living in Australia or in a country which has a similar attitude and live a life full of freedom and satisfaction.

Yes, we know, Australia is not the heaven and problems are everywhere but I can say: Just go down under and you will truly understand what this country did with us.
I will go more into this soon.

On this point I have to thank my boyfriend because sharing your dreams and goals with the person you love isn't obvious and it completes me. And maybe without him I would never know what makes me really happy.

Me and my better half

To travel is another big part of my life which makes me happy and on this blog I want to share my experiences with you as well. To show you what it is to be that happy when you start packing your suitcase and let stamp your passport.

And the last point for my happiness and maybe the most important thing is to love myself and live a healthy life. Also that is maybe the most difficult thing on my bucket list.

To love yourself is a long process and it will never ends. I did bad things to me and my health and I really know I have to change that. I improved myself a lot in the last years and my boyfriend helped me really well, but I still have to change some behaviours. I know everybody needs their bad habits but not with loosing their self- love.

Ok I think for today that is enough to read. And I'm happy that you found your way down here. I guess this gives you a better perspective of my definition of my pure happiness and I hope you liked it.

Have a lovely day and see you soon.